حالات English

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don't like.

The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you're swimming and when you're angry.

If you watch Home Alone backwards, it's a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them up. Then, the child's family comes home and yells at him.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, just try missing a couple of payments.

If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works?

I'm writing my book in fifth person, so ?every sentence starts out with: I heard from this guy who told somebody

You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

A Canadian psychologist is ?selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog ?is smarter than you.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper, and you get more feet.

Hate to break it to you, ?Facebook, but the entire Internet ?is already a Dislike button.

How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have ?a huge clock right in the middle ?of the town.

Here's some advice: At a job ?interview, tell them you're willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.

We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.

Whoever named ?it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

General Mills ?is coming out with an organic Twinkie. Isn't that called a sponge?

Does it disturb anyone else that The Los Angeles Angels baseball team translates directly to The The Angels Angels?

I don't know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law.