حالات English

Just because you can't dance doesn't mean you shouldn't dance.

Billy Corgan, the lead singer of the rock band Smashing Pumpkins, on the perils of life as a rock star: I've moved on to other things. Obviously I love rock n roll, and I love music, but it's nice to be in a world like professional wrestling, where I'm treated like a normal person.

There's no I in denial.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

We can't be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you're a lady, and I'm a gentleman, I'll shave mine off.

She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can't believe her, even if I could believe her.

When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, Thanks for being a fan. Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.

I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.

A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.