Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.
I'm on a government watch list. But I'm not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.
It's true, I can't make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.
If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, Now. But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast.
I love running. I'm not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.
There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.
This was not one of those times.
Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.
I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.
Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.
She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.?
I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.
Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork.
Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who's Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don't eat breakfast.
Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information? Bones asked, getting back to the subject. You to take me,